When major changes happen in life, it’s easy to panic and think: "It feels like I’m losing myself". But in reality, losing yourself is impossible.
What we actually lose is inner clarity — and it’s not control that brings it back, but flexibility and a connection to our own values.
What we actually lose is inner clarity — and it’s not control that brings it back, but flexibility and a connection to our own values.
In recent years, we’ve been hearing more and more that the world — and our lives — have become unpredictable. Plans collapse, rules change.
In such moments, we catch ourselves thinking: "I'm losing myself. I don’t understand who I am or where I’m going".
But let’s clarify something right away: you cannot lose yourself. It’s like trying to catch your own tail — a cat spins in circles, but nothing changes.
So what is really happening?
We lose contact with ourselves — we lose inner clarity. This happens because we’ve grown too used to relying on external markers: a stable job, exchange rates, approval from others, familiar roles.
When these "anchors" begin to shake or disappear, it feels as though our very identity is collapsing.
But in truth, it hasn’t gone anywhere — it was simply tied to something external rather than internal.
Let’s start by dispelling a few illusions.
- Illusion № 1: "The world used to be stable, but now it’s unpredictable".
It may seem that five or ten years ago everything was clear and reliable, and then suddenly chaos arrived. In reality, the world has always been unpredictable.
During relatively calm periods, we develop an illusion of control — we feel as though we’ve calculated everything and have our finger on the pulse. But as soon as change occurs — whether personal or global — the illusion shatters, and we think: "Everything is falling apart!"
Yet history shows us something else. Human history is not a sequence of calm years, but a constant cycle of crises, collapses, wars, and economic ups and downs. And at every turn, there are people who maintain inner stability.
The secret is not to wait for stability, but to learn to rely on yourself regardless of what is happening externally.
- Illusion № 2: "If I can’t control everything, something must be wrong with me".
Your work plan falls apart, a relationship cracks or someone simply disapproves of your choice.
The initial reaction is tension, anxiety, irritation — followed by self-criticism: "Everyone else is managing, but I’m not. Something must be wrong with me". But that isn’t true.
When external supports collapse — such as losing a job, status, familiar roles, or the approval of colleagues or a partner — anyone would feel anxious. That is normal.
Your internal compass has simply been calibrated to external reference points. And now is the time to recalibrate it toward yourself.
Your internal compass has simply been calibrated to external reference points. And now is the time to recalibrate it toward yourself.
How Can You Help Yourself?
Most of us respond to stress using old patterns:
1
We either deny reality ("This can’t be happening, I won’t think about it")
2
Fall into rigid control ("I'll plan everything down to the smallest detail — no surprises")
3
Or go on autopilot, functioning like robots
To truly help yourself, you need to develop psychological flexibility. This is the ability to stay connected to yourself in the present moment.
When something unexpected happens, ask yourself — and answer honestly:
"What am I feeling
right now?"
right now?"
"What is happening
in my body?"
in my body?"
"What do I want in these new circumstances?"
Flexibility is not about "going with the flow" or abandoning plans. It’s the ability, when faced with a fallen tree on your path, to find a way around it. And those alternative paths may be winding, but they still lead you forward.
The Second Anchor: Understanding Your Values
If you rely only on flexibility, you risk losing your core. That’s why you need a foundation — your personal values. Not the ones you "should" have to be considered a good person, but the ones that genuinely move you forward.
Ask yourself: "What truly matters to me?"
When external reference points disappear, your values become your compass. They do not depend on exchange rates or other people’s opinions.
Write down and revisit your values regularly — they may evolve over time, but the process itself creates a sense of coherence.
And ask yourself honestly: "Am I making this choice because I should, to gain approval? Or because it aligns with my values?"
"To enter through the narrow gate" means choosing not the wide, well-trodden path ("like everyone else"), but a more difficult path that is truly your own.
Conclusion
You cannot lose yourself — but you can lose inner clarity. The good news is that you can regain it by practicing two simple things every day:
- Flexibility — asking yourself: "What am I feeling?", "What do I want right now?", "How can I adapt without losing myself?"
- Values — remembering what you are willing to move toward, even when external structures collapse, and checking your decisions against those values rather than the reactions of others.
The better you become at returning to yourself, the more calmly you will navigate any external uncertainty.
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Elina looks forward to the opportunity to contribute to the success of your professional forum and engage with your audience in a meaningful way.
Elina looks forward to the opportunity to contribute to the success of your professional forum and engage with your audience in a meaningful way.
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